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After making those poor choices, Esther reflects over herself more. It was only me, of course. Her self-perception diminishes yet again; she now not only sees herself as a Chinese male but a Chinese woman.
However, her night of self-reflecting is not over. However, in the mirror, Esther does not see herself as the ideal image she aspires to be, and because she does not see herself in a positive way, this shows that her judgment and credibility as a narrator are affected. Because her judgment is not at its potential, Esther may make poor choices, such as going off in the night with strange men. After realizing that she makes those poor choices, Esther could then begin to fall into a downward spiral of guilt and poor self-image, making more poor choices, etc.
The downward spiral could then make her depression and self-image worse. Again, Esther describes her self-image as being inadequate, and soon afterwards she is attacked by Marco at the country club.
Discussion Questions - The Bell Jar Group
This instance of thinking about self-image shows that Esther feels that she was not as valuable as she was before because of the attack from Marco, and the marks of blood he left on her alluded to war paint used by Indians. Soon after this, Esther slips further into depression. Her feelings of stupidity and paralysis show that her self-image is still poor, where she does not feel that she adequate enough to commit suicide. After Esther overdoses on sleeping pills and is moved to a hospital, she looks in the mirror and is so displeased with what she saw that she throws the mirror down and breaks it By breaking the mirror, Esther could have been displaying that her self-image was completely broken and needed to be rebuilt, which may or may not have happened throughout the rest of her life.
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The Bell Jar: Study Prompts
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