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Coco Fusco: My relationship with the Cuban art community in Havana began in the And when looking at performance in Cuba, what criteria did you apply? I did also consult some scholars who work on contemporary Cuban culture. . This reminded me so much of Sondos Shabayek's recent essay for Ibraaz on the .


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Thank you for submitting your essay to EssayEdge. I enjoyed reading your statement; you write with a conviction that clearly indicates your determination and commitment to law. You have done an excellent job of discussing your background without casting yourself as a victim—your reader will be appropriately impressed with your accomplishments and with the resilience you have shown throughout your life.

I agree with your assessment that the beginning of your essay is stronger than the conclusion, but only in one specific sense: The beginning of your essay is very emotionally charged, while your conclusion is more prosaic and factual. To redress this imbalance, I revised your conclusion to incorporate your desire to attend law school.

The result is much more impressive, as you requested. I suggest that you open instead with a discussion of your experience as a seven-year-old child. Please see the revised essay. The sentence about Caucasian and African-American cultures is particularly powerful, as is the idea of seeming too black to some people and not black enough to others.

Writing an Effective “Why X” Addendum

This paragraph was a bit too long, so I separated the introduction proper from the rest of the paragraph. I also made subtle changes to the remaining sentences to correct grammatical problems and to focus and polish your prose. Why did you state that your early adult experiences were not successful? My first impression was that you wanted to explain a lackluster performance in your community college classes.

Whether or not this is true, I believe it is to your advantage to omit this detail altogether. You tend to overuse semicolons in your writing. Semicolons should only be used sparingly, if at all. It is almost always more powerful to break up your prose by separating ideas into distinct, well-formulated sentences.

I have revised this sentence in the final draft. This paragraph is far too long. Throughout your essay, I made a point of compacting your sentences. I have reworked this paragraph to eliminate redundancy. Also, it is best to downplay the idea that you changed careers.

BU Law Student Personal Statements | School of Law

I have removed your explicit discussion of this fact. Please note that it would be useful to indicate how your background helped you excel as an investigator. I suggested that your background made you more sensitive to people who have been deprived of basic rights, but be sure to change this if it is incorrect. I could not determine why you included the information about the Americans with Disabilities Act and the Age Discrimination in Employment Act—what did you hope to accomplish with this information?

Customer’s Comments

I have removed these details from the revised essay, but feel free to reinsert them if you desire. Please cite the name of this union in your final draft.


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I suggest making this paragraph the conclusion of your essay. You can discuss the inherent limitations you will face without a J. It is very important to end the essay with a discussion of how a J. The point of this essay is to explain why you want to go to law school, and your original final paragraph focused too exclusively on your background rather than on your future.

You want your reader to leave this essay with a strong sense of why you should go to law school. You outlined some of the legal insights that you have gained working as a Legal Assistant.


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  4. I expanded this discussion to indicate that you are just beginning this process of discovery and that you still have much to learn. To conclude, I provided a new sentence that ties together your entire argument.

    Podcast: Do you have to explain WHY you are going to law school in your law school application?

    I believe you will find the revised essay much improved. You had a lot of good content, and I believe that my revisions have made your essay much tighter and more focused. I wish you luck with the admissions process and success in your future career. See this essay before the edit. Skip to content. Edited Essay It had never occurred to me as a seven-year-old child that skin color could be destiny.

    Paragraph 2 Why did you state that your early adult experiences were not successful? Paragraph 3 This paragraph is far too long. Paragraph 4 This paragraph does a good job of outlining your career progress to date. It is your chance to showcase your writing ability important in law school and your career beyond , your formative experiences, your values, your personality and anything else important that you want to convey.

    There are many different approaches suitable for putting together your law school personal statement , but you should never stray from one overarching, guiding principle: the personal statement has to be personal. Each year, law schools aim to put together a class of accomplished, interesting, and unique individuals. Admissions officers look to your personal statement to help accomplish that goal. Show admissions officers that you are an individual who will have a positive impact on the law school community. In order to stay on track and ensure you are covering material that will be useful and compelling for an admissions reader, you might be inspired by one of these sample topics:.

    Give yourself permission to be a good storyteller in your personal statement and tell a story that makes the reader feel they know you. More importantly, when writing your law school personal statement , make the reader want to know you better! Tags : applying to law school , getting into law school , how to get into law school , law school , law school admissions , law school application , law school personal statement , law school personal statement help.

    Ergo, you must take advantage of this opportunity: The Guiding Principle of the Law School Personal Statement There are many different approaches suitable for putting together your law school personal statement , but you should never stray from one overarching, guiding principle: the personal statement has to be personal. How did you handle it?

    What did you learn? How has it shaped you? How has it impacted your plans for the future? Discuss a defining personal value or characteristic. How did you develop it? Why is it important in your life?